Managing household chores can be overwhelming for anyone, but for neurodivergent couples, it can present unique challenges. Sensory processing, executive functioning, and energy levels can influence the ability to maintain a household. It’s important to approach these tasks in ways that honor your needs and strengths as individuals and as a team. Here are some strategies to help manage household chores without judgment.
1. Communicate Needs and Preferences
Each partner has their own comfort levels with tasks. One person might be more sensitive to clutter, while another finds certain chores physically or mentally exhausting. Start by having an open conversation about what feels most manageable and which tasks you each dislike. Being transparent about your needs reduces frustration and promotes understanding.
2. Play to Each Other’s Strengths
Divide tasks based on what each partner excels at or prefers. Maybe one person is great at organizing but struggles with physical tasks, while the other is better at cleaning or tidying up. Lean into each other's strengths rather than trying to equally split all tasks. For example, one might handle the laundry while the other takes care of meal prep.
3. Use Visual and Written Systems
Neurodivergent individuals often benefit from systems that help organize and break down tasks. Try using to-do lists, calendars, or a chore chart that’s visible and easy to follow. Visual reminders like color-coded lists or sticky notes can reduce overwhelm and ensure that things don’t fall through the cracks.
4. Set Realistic Expectations
Perfection isn’t the goal. It’s okay if chores aren’t completed all at once or to an unrealistic standard. Focus on function and comfort. Break larger tasks into smaller steps that feel more doable, and celebrate small wins—whether it’s tidying one room or simply washing the dishes.
5. Incorporate Rest and Downtime
Respect your own and your partner’s need for downtime. Neurodivergent brains can get overstimulated or fatigued easily, so make sure that chore schedules allow for rest breaks. Using a timer to work in short bursts (e.g., 15-20 minutes) followed by a rest can help maintain energy without burnout.
6. Consider Sensory Needs
If sensory sensitivities play a role in chores, find ways to make them more manageable. For example, wearing gloves for washing dishes, playing soothing music during cleaning, or using scent-free cleaning products can make tasks less overwhelming. Honoring sensory needs will make chores feel less draining.
7. Use Technology and Tools
Don’t make it hard. Use tech. For example, set up reminders on your phone, use apps for grocery lists, or invest in tools like a robot vacuum. A robot vacuum made life so much better for me. These tools can reduce the burden and free up mental space.
8. Find Your Unique Rhythm
Your household doesn’t need to look or function like anyone else’s. Find a routine that works for both of you, and let go of societal expectations around what a home “should” look like. As long as it feels good for your household, you’re doing it right.
9. Adapt and Modify
Life circumstances and individual needs can change over time, and so might your ability to keep up with household chores. Whether it's due to a shift in mental health, changes in energy levels, or new routines, be open to adapting your chore distribution. What worked before may need tweaking. For example, if one partner is having a particularly hard week, it’s okay to temporarily redistribute tasks or even reduce the number of chores. Flexibility is key—modify your systems to fit your current needs without guilt or pressure. It’s a team effort, and it's okay to recalibrate as needed.
When things are really hard, it’s ok to take some pressure off and give up on a few chores for a little while.
By approaching chores with patience, flexibility, and creativity, neurodivergent couples can find routines that honor their unique ways of being. Remember, your way of managing a household is valid.
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