top of page
Search

Creative Coping Methods

Writer's picture: Dr. Alondra Rogers-ClementsDr. Alondra Rogers-Clements

Image by Wix
Image by Wix

Stress management is always in season. If you're looking for methods of coping with stress and you've already tried the usual, here are some tips other than breathing, grounding, and progressive muscle relaxation. If you haven't tried any of those, try this post first.


First, take an inventory

If you’re losing your shit right now, there may be an absolutely righteous reason for it. Baseball through the flatscreen, spouse keeps turning the AC down despite your hypothermia and the looming doom of the Electric Bill, Mercury retrograde. I get it, and I have been there ya’ll, believe me. Before you go nuclear, take a moment and see what’s going on for yourself. 


  • Take two deep breaths

  • Check your body: drop your shoulders and unclench your jaw. Relax your belly muscles. Are you hungry? Tired? Do you have any (new or unusual) pain?

  • Have you taken your medications, if you take any?

  • Check your thoughts: Thinking about work or another obligation? Are your feelings hurt due to something someone said or did? Have unmet needs or expectations?


If something is going on that you can address (ie, hungry—>eat), do your best to make that happen. It’s not always possible, but even just knowing that you’re feeling grumpy because you were up late re-watching Stranger Things or helping your child get back to sleep, you may be able to cut yourself some slack and be less on edge. Next, let’s try some techniques to help you cool out and take back your calm. 


Guided Imagery 

Guided imagery is a relaxation technique that uses verbal prompting to create positive mental images or visualization. The technique can be used by mental health professionals in a therapy setting or it can be used with recorded, asynchronous guides for use by many individuals on their own. Typical guided imagery practices include restful locations and relaxing actions such as walking on a forested path with prompts about the smell of moss and earth, the sounds of the leaves rustling and an owl calling in the branches, and the cool evening breeze on your shoulders. It’s a multi-sensory experience. 

There are some great tools for guided imagery available online and on apps such as Calm (pay service) and Insight Timer (free). YouTube is a great resource as well. 


Move it, move it

As annoying as it is, exercise is one of the easiest ways to give yourself some calm. This is not about weight or body size or even ability. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes for reasons that are diverse and body size does not indicate health. (For more information on this concept, see “Health at Every Size” in the Book Recommendations section.) Movement and exercise also have plenty of other benefits for our health and longevity long established by research. This is both a long term and short term approach. 


Take a break from what’s happening and do some activity—whatever that looks like for you—stretch, do yoga, walk around the block, run, booty dance party, whatever. I like to jump on the trampoline like a maniac for a few minutes to get the anxious energy out. 


Grab those good smells

Imagine your favorite place. What’s it like? Chances are good your description includes a lovely smell. Our brain’s oldest sense is the sense of smell, and smells are heavily linked to memories, which is why I feel ill when I catch of whiff of Tequila. Sorry, tequila, I’d say it’s not you, but it really is you. Aromatherapy has had staying power and has stuck around in the form of diffusing essential oils and your friend’s multi-level marketing business, but as it turns out, using the power of smell from plants has a long history. Research shows that good smells improve mood. Some businesses pump out scents to attract and enchant patrons. 


Grab a good scent and breathe in the relief. Keep EOs, candles, tea bags, or herbs with you, and give them a good long sniff. It’s best if you can choose something in advance that reminds you of something comforting. You could keep a satchel of lavender or cloves in your bag or even carry a small, lidded candle. No one is going to think twice seeing about you sniffing a candle on your train ride or in the lunchroom. But they might ask to sniff too. 


Sit up straight

Several studies show that slouching versus sitting or standing up straight has a negative impact on mood even making it more difficult to recover from a negative mood. The theory at work here is that muscular states and body posture influence the nervous system and emotional states. In studies, people sitting with good posture had better self-esteem, were more alert, had better recall, better mood, and used more positive language when speaking. 

One social psychologist reports finding that using power poses boosts confidence and causes others to perceive you as more powerful though some of her research has yet to be replicated by other social scientists. But really, it feels true, right?. Try out a Superman or Wonder Woman pose and see how you feel. I definitely feel like people should listen to me.


Put the kettle on

Ever read a British mystery or watch a British show? There is so much damn tea drinking it’s ridiculous. Every time anything happens, there’s tea. Happy? Have a cuppa! Murder? I’ll put the kettle on. As it happens, they’re on to something. It turns out that tea has calming benefits as well as benefits to health. 


Black tea contains the antioxidant theaflavin, which studies show aids in the recovery from daily stress and lowers the risk of cardiovascular disease. 

Green tea contains the antioxidant epigallocatechin gallate (EGCG), which is thought to improve attention and promote calm. Tea is also made with some ritual involved and usually includes sitting down for a break or a rest. There’s even evidence that holding a warm drink makes you have a rosier view of other people—the title of the study paper is a charmer: “Experiencing physical warmth promotes interpersonal warmth.”


Chew Gum

There are a handful of studies on chewing gum, and believe it or not, chewing gum (with light flavor especially) reduces cortisol (stress hormone) levels. Gum with lots of flavor and scent can actually raise cortisol levels according to some studies, so light flavor or flavorless gums are the best. You can order plain gum online. Chewing gum is also shown to improve focus, so bonus. 


Get yourself into water

Water soothes. If you can go for a swim, that’s bound to get you out of your head and into your body. The exercise will make you feel better, but if that’s not an option, jump in the shower or the bathtub. If that’s not available, watch a YouTube video of ocean waves for a few minutes. You will feel restored and maybe renewed for whatever shenanigans strike next! Also, drink it. Right now. You’re dehydrated—go get some. 


Make green friends

There’s a reason plant people are so happy. Gardeners and those who cultivate plants indoors are generally happier because they are getting a dose of the good stuff. Our brains crave nature and respond to it by giving us pleasurable brain chemicals. If you’re feeling stressed, get close to plants and trees or take in a view of a natural setting. If you are in the heart of a city, try to get to a park or a rooftop garden. If no option is available, look at nature on a screen. Even that will give you a sense of calm. Seriously!


Doggos, kitties, and other friends

I am continuously pleased and surprised by the effect my cats have on my body and my stress levels. When one of them climbs on my lap and starts to purr, my blood pressure drops, and I feel a little bit of bliss instantly. Research supports this. Just petting a dog or cat, a horse, a rabbit, or even a turtle reduces cortisol and increases serotonin, a mood-stabilizing hormone. Watching fish has been shown to be beneficial. We watch Youtube live streams of jellyfish swimming at an aquarium at our house. Long term, pet owners (dog owners specifically) tend to be healthier (reduced risk of heart disease) and live longer (fewer death from other causes). This is especially noticeable in people who live alone and have a dog compared to those who live alone and do not. Animals also help us to be present in the moment with them (mindfulness), which promotes calm. Having a dog gives you a need to be outside and moving, two other circumstances that lead to improved mood. Animals offer comfort and unconditional love, and they give us a sense of being needed and having a purpose.


Hug it out

If you’re a hugger, hug someone you care about. Hugging someone you care about for about 20 seconds releases oxytocin, a powerful and multifaceted relational neurotransmitter associated with love, bonding, affection, sex, empathy, and trust; it also has a role in childbirth and nursing. Oxytocin makes us feel warm and comfortable. It also lowers blood pressure and reduces cortisol. It has an immediate effect, but research also shows that people who engage in more frequent hugging, and presumably get more oxytocin, report an overall greater sense of well-being. Other kinds of touch will also give you a dose of the hormone: massage, sex, and even doing yoga solo or in a group.


Practice Kindness

Another way to get a nice boost from our friend oxytocin is to do something kind for someone else. Altruism is shown to increase oxytocin and improve mood. It’s also linked to releasing serotonin and dopamine. This is why when we do something good for someone else it makes us feel good too. Even witnessing someone do something kind for a third person gives us a boost. You can do this by paying for coffee for the person behind you, doing a chore for a neighbor who needs some assistance around their home, or taking a cart to the corral for a parent with kids, an older adult, or a disabled person. Anything helpful you can do for another person will improve their day, your day and even the day of someone else who sees you do it. That's a lot of bang from one small act. Better living through chemistry.


Music

There’s a lot of good research on the power of music to assist people with mood and memory. Music is a companion for us in times of joy and sorrow. How many breakup songs did you listen to in high school? Joy Division, anyone? Love Will Tear Us Apart? OH, Nine Inch Nails Hurt was my sad jam. 


If we are aware of the effect different kinds of music have on us, we can use it to regulate our moods. We may listen to music that mirrors our mood in order to help us process difficult feelings (research says this doesn’t always work). Or we may listen to music that is of a different mood from how we feel in order to shift our temperament. Sometimes it can even motivate us into action, and psyche us out for something. Eye of the Tiger? Worked for Rocky.  Started from the Bottom was my graduate school song,  and I listened to it to fuel my fantasy of getting through my tough master’s program. If you’re feeling in need of a lift, listen to something that elevates your mood. If you are in need of soothing, listen to something that fits the bill. Confession: I love smooth jazz when I need something to soothe my stress. It’s mostly instrumental, which can mean I get to make my own message or have no message associated with it versus a song about love lost or drug use.


Gratitude 

Expressing your gratitude has been shown to improve your mental health and well-being. A study splitting almost 300 people who were seeking mental health counseling into 3 groups (people who received therapy alone, those who did therapy and expressive writing, and those who did therapy and gratitude writing) found that those who wrote about their gratitude experienced better long-term mental health improvement. The study found that participants in the gratitude writing group felt measurably better than the other two groups. 


Actually, as time passed, they continued to improve. That’s pretty powerful stuff. The authors of the study revealed that only 23% of the gratitude group actually shared their gratitude with the intended target of their thanks meaning they wrote letters of gratitude and kept them to themselves. These participants still benefited from the exercise. Let me be clear: people who wrote letters of gratitude and threw them in the trash benefitted from the act of thinking through their gratitude. They also found that the type of writing in the gratitude group was more positive and used unity in their writing such as using the word “we.” 


The authors believed that gratitude distances us from negative emotions and allows us to soak in positive ones. So, thank someone for something in person or in writing. Or write out a letter of gratitude, save it, or trash it if you aren’t sure you’re comfortable sending it. The practice of doing it has benefits to your brain for months after—maybe even longer. 


Read

Reading for pleasure usually requires some quiet or an amazing ability to block out interruptions. If you aren’t able to get the time, you can try reading to your child something you will also enjoy.  


I had no idea I enjoyed books for older kids and teens until picking some up to read with my daughter. The ability to slip into another world through a novel and see people doing things their own way allows us to visit new places and also to learn to empathize with people in different situations than we find ourselves. Fiction is for escape, but non-fiction can also be very useful to our well-being by teaching us skills. 


Bibliotherapy is a type of therapy aided by books. Most often, the books are non-fiction self-help books (like this one) that can help us attend to an issue that impacts our lives or gives us ways to make changes that improve our lives. Bibliotherapy isn’t that popular in the US but is usually aided by a trained therapist when it is used. Books are transformative and fun. Without a therapist, self-help books are useful on their own especially if therapy isn’t an option for you. Do check out the author before you buy as not all popular and best-selling self-help books are written by people with qualifications to give you advice. Read the “About the author.” If it doesn’t tell you anything about the author’s relevant lived experience or professional experience and/or credentials then look at the reviews before committing to it.


Let go of Perfect

Maybe some of you, dear readers, can skip this because you already joyfully embrace your imperfections and share happily your foibles and mistakes with others—and you know the secret—that your friends and family trust you and like you more because of this. You are the real real. This is for those of us who still cling to perfect, and who are still out here trying everything to live up to the image we created in our minds of how everything is “supposed” to go. Everything. 


What I’m asking you to do here is a cognitive and social exercise (like conceptualizing radical self-care). I want you to think differently about how things “should” be, and I want you to act on those changes by demonstrating acceptance of imperfection.  Letting go of “perfect” is asking you to change the way you think. And though it’s doable, changing how we think is hard and takes effort over time.


One way to change your thinking is to think about your thinking. I know that sounds cute, but this is the premise of one of the most popular theories in psychology—cognitive behavioral theory—and the basis of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT. In CBT, individuals are taught that their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected. How we feel is impacted by what we think. If you believe you need to fulfill a role or complete a task in a specific way, those thoughts impact how you feel about yourself when you either meet or do not meet those expectations for yourself. For example, if you are stressed because you haven’t done a task you believe you must do every day, you may see yourself as a failure. 

Ask yourself where the “must” comes from and if it's as serious as you believe to miss these goals sometimes. Break it down and ask yourself questions. You can also talk it out with a therapist. If therapy isn’t an option at the moment, even talking it through with a trusted friend or family member is an option. If you can see that the value you have placed is perhaps arbitrary, or at least not as important as you believed, you allow yourself to accept not meeting a self-imposed requirement or a socially-expected one. You give yourself room to be human. 


I want to share this secret, and I hope you internalize: Everyone is a mess. If they aren’t, they’re either not being honest with you (or themselves) or paying a bunch of people to do things for them. That’s it. Being real about your struggles (but not too real or too much struggle) humanizes you to others and makes their problems seem normal. By telling your friends and family that you’re not perfect, they are likely to hold you in higher regard than if they think you’re perfect. Perfect makes us feel bad about ourselves. 


So, how do we do this? Stop acting like we have everything sorted out? It’s scary to be vulnerable. Start inside your mind first. When you are thinking about how to present something to others in whatever format, stop yourself whenever you think thoughts about hiding. Just interrupting a thought has power. 


If you find yourself saying something negative, interrupt it with a question or a positive thought. If you think, “I can’t go to the pool party because I look too pale in my swim trunks/bathing suit/T-Rex inflatable” ask yourself “Does anyone care?” Nerp! is the answer. If you catch yourself saying inside your head that you need to hide your sadness about a thing, ask yourself what does that protect you from? Tell yourself that neglecting to share your real feelings with a friend or loved one deprives them of the opportunity to show care for you. These are very simple methods of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There are about 8 gazillion books and videos out there to challenge our negative thoughts. The biggest barrier to being a badass is our own brain. Tell anxiety to take a little break and be yourself. Everyone likes a real person. I bet you will even like yourself better too.


This Sparks Joy

Let’s talk about clutter! I love Marie Kondo’s books. I know they aren’t everyone’s favorite flavor. I love her cute little self helping people in a non-judgmental way to live happier lives with the stuff they want and parting with the stuff that isn’t making that goal happen. Kondo’s method and most other decluttering approaches are about intentional living, retention, and acquisition of objects.  There are tons of wonderful books on managing stuff from different perspectives, so if Marie Kondo isn’t for you, there are plenty of other options out there. 


If you haven’t read her books and are interested in managing your clutter, check out the reviews or watch some videos. She also has a limited series on Netflix. There’s some Shintoism in the books that involve the process of thanking items and parting with them, which many people just don’t want to do. You can take or leave any of that and any of her recommendations on how to manage your things. I also recommend these books because they do not require you to be a Minimalist to declutter and organize. You don’t have to give up anything you don’t want to. And though Kondo is quoted as having said she only has about 30 books, you can have 3000 books if you want to. I’m on the way there myself. 


The best part about her method is that it’s entirely personalizable. She wants you to keep what sparks joy in your life, and I think that’s a good way to approach our homes and other spaces. (But please never look into my car window and see all of my daughter’s french fries on the floor; they sparked joy too). 


There’s plenty of research on the impact of clutter on our moods and minds. There’s not a lot of research on the Konmari method specifically—a few small studies—but the research on clutter demonstrates that it has a negative impact. Having a tidy space has been a bit of a special interest for me. I cannot focus in a messy room, and so much of my process for doing any work—homework, writing, bill paying—starts with cleaning up the room I’m going to be working in. When my space is in order, my mind follows suit. I can focus and be in the work I’m doing without getting distracted by breadcrumbs or a toy that belongs in another room or that pile of papers that require me to do something about them. If you’re in a difficult place right now and motivation to do any cleaning makes this seem impossible, I recommend a different book, How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis. Davis uses a gentle approach of total acceptance and functioning through deep burnout, depression or other difficult things. 


Let Calgon Take You Away

Probably the commercial I remember most from the 80s and 90s are the Calgon commercials. These are the bath product commercials where an overworked mom calls out “Calgon, take me away!” And then she’s transported to a luxury bathtub full of bubbles and a soft camera lens. Dang, this lady person went from stressed to blessed, right? Even thinking about getting into a hot bucket of soapy water makes me relax a little. 


Yes, hot water has a benefit for our moods, and I’m sure you know that getting into a hot bath or a hot tub is relaxing. Immersing yourself in hot water opens your vascular system reducing blood pressure and increasing oxygenation. Circulation also increases in the muscle groups and causes tense muscles to relax some of the tension. I recommend making baths a part of your semi-regular routine if you can. If not, a hot shower with some ambiance and nice-smelling products is still pretty good. I like to use candles and turn off the regular lights, add bubbles, salts, and oils. If I’m feeling extra fancy, some flowers or herbs. I leave my phone on the counter in favor of a book and enjoy the peace. Until my husband shout-asks me where the scissors are, my daughter pounds on the door, or the cat is rattling the door trying to snatch a hair tie just out of reach. Try anyway. A few moments of quiet and relaxation can still have a worthwhile effect on how you feel. 


Art Therapy

Creative work is medicine. When you’re feeling the pinch from stress, taking a break to create can dial down the stress. Creating visual art is shown to reduce that annoying hormone cortisol, the stress hormone. Painting is probably what comes to mind when you think of creating art, but that is only a sliver of the type of art you can create. Drawing, coloring in coloring books, crafts, sculpture, sewing, knitting, crocheting, woodworking, painting model cars or buildings, photography, jewelry making, and pretty much any other creative task is a soothing activity that will reduce stress and can serve as a form of self-expression. Long-term engagement in art creation is also shown to slow cognitive decline. And, you know what? Creating is just fun. It doesn’t have to be good to be good for you. Just be in the moment and make something. 


Write

Poetry, prose, non-fiction, journaling, and prompt exercises are also creative processes that have benefits for the writers. There are studies on multiple types of writing, and all show benefits including keeping our minds sharp, improving health and immune function when we write about our problems and traumas or even when we write fictional stories. Writing about our feelings allows us to do a few things that we know help us process: we name our feelings, which aids in understanding them; it can aid our working memory of the content we’ve written about; and it aids in recovery from trauma. 


I think very highly of journaling, letter writing, and storytelling—any type of writing. When I was in therapy school, I remember my very first real therapy session. It was with a soldier who had seen a lot of combat and told me some blood and guts trauma stories. When our time was over, I was dazed. I didn’t know what to do next, so I decided to write my progress note for his session. This is a summary of the meeting and any important or meaningful insight and anything related to the plan of treatment. Writing the summary of what we discussed and interpreting the meaning of the events of his past and his present allowed me to have some closure on the session and leave that secondary trauma on the page. If I hadn’t had the opportunity to order my thoughts about the session, I don’t know that I would have made it through the program. 


Journal and letter writing, poetry, and stories are incredibly powerful ways to uncoil the tangles of our thoughts and even to share ourselves with anyone we decide to include in our world. More research continues to come out about how our brains work. One feature stands out to me as it relates to this topic: we are wired for stories. We want to know and understand others. We want to be understood. Your writing doesn’t have to be pretty or polished to be valuable to you or others. I want to add that your writing can be just for yourself. Remember the study on gratitude writing? When people write letters to others of gratitude or apology, the writer gets the emotional benefit of releasing those feelings whether or not they give the letter to the individual it was intended for. I find that so motivating, I wanted to tell you twice. Give it a try. 


Unplug for short breaks

After COVID, what I have to say about social media use is different now than it was before the pandemic and a whole year of isolation. There are plenty of studies that show that social media can have detrimental effects, especially for adolescents and young adults, but there are also plenty of positives especially when we aren’t able to interact with friends, family, (and random people who are very excited/angry about local news events). Something to keep in mind is that social media use gives us happy little squirts of dopamine. That’s a good thing, right? Well, yes, but with qualifiers. Dopamine is sort of habit forming, so we can end up spending more time than we want to on activities without really realizing why it makes us feel better. 


What’s important to know is that too much of a good thing ruins it. I think the takeaway from all the studies on social media use teaches the lesson of moderation. Use the tool to improve your life and sustain yourself. Try not to engage in frustrating internet fights with people who are probably on the other end laughing in Russian because negative interactions take a toll, and so does too much comparison with others that makes us feel inadequate. The most important reason to take some media breaks is to make room in your schedule, your life, and your mind for the tasks that enrich it—these calming techniques and other strategies for self-care. Do log off and do some “touching grass” even if only to focus on some of the ways you can calm the @#$% down, be present, and take care of yourself, which, after all, is the only way you can provide quality care for your kiddos. 


Set intentions for yourself each dayor if that sounds like hippie nonsense, set goals each morning

Setting your intention means directing your energy into a goal or activity for the day, taking aim at something, generating a focus, or defining a purpose. The intention is a mindset for the present. Goals are desired outcomes for the future. The intention is the motivation in the present to give you the inspiration to work on your goal. Essentially, it’s a plan but maybe not as specific as a to-do list. An example of your intention could be holding on to the good mood you woke up with. Intentions generate power that fuels you to set realistic goals and then meet them. 


Intentions and goals likely go hand in hand, but they don’t have to. Your intention for a day might be mindfulness or peace. Most of us have a long list of concrete goals, so we might as well pick one and get started. The power of the intention is its timeliness. It takes a far-off goal and brings part of it to you today. And that gives you a bridge between now and the future. 


Researchers have found that writing these intentions down (by hand if you can) commits them to memory and separate research finds that writing specifically about the future you want and pairing that with the negatives in the present, helps individuals get closer to those goals. Another important aspect of writing your intentions and your goals is the writing of steps to get to those goals. Research also shows that individuals who write down the steps toward the final goal end up accomplishing more. Writing down goals at all is shown to increase a person’s achievement of those goals by a whopping 42%; sharing weekly progress with a friend increases those numbers as well. When you define a goal for yourself, use science to accomplish it. 


SMART goals are a popular method for creating achievable goals, and this approach has been shown to be helpful in getting to the finish line of a goal; it may be because helps you break down the goal and write it down. SMART is a mnemonic device standing for: 


  • Specific—meaning the goal is well defined (who, where, when, what, and why)

  • Measurable—meaning your progress towards the goal can be tracked

  • Attainable—meaning you can realistically achieve the goal

  • Relevant—meaning the work you do is related to the specific goal

  • Time-specific—meaning you set a reasonable end date for completion


This is just a guideline for goal setting and any of these objectives can be adjusted as needed. This tool allows you to lay out the goal and define the component parts to getting from here to there. Intention every day can help you maintain momentum in this process. Do you have a person whom you can trust to support you while you work towards your goal? Talk to them about your goal and your progress. Having a supportive friend or loved one to help you process and share your progress with is another method shown to help in attaining your goal.


There are many resources on using intentions and goal setting to reach your goal. Some are business or productivity-minded. There are also some out there that may be helpful in self-care or parenting goals. This is a place where Pinterest may have a nice selection. 


If you are just starting to think about self-care or you are restarting after a stressful period, focus on the most basic aspects of self-care and then move on as you’re able to. Simplify where you can and focus on the bottom of Ye Olde Hierarchy of Needs pyramid ala Abraham Maslow.



When you are ready to move up, move on up. Getting back to basics can help you reboot yourself. It’s like turning your laptop off and on again and letting it properly shut down and restart. Making it a habit lets you refresh each day ready for the work that is your life. The secret of radical self-care is this: you can’t do that work without regular system maintenance. Regular means every day.


Radical self-care starts with the assertion that you matter. Your health and happiness are essential components to you continuing to do all that you do on an ongoing basis. What I hope you’ve gained at this point is a comfort with meeting your own needs, a belief that it’s so important, you have to make some changes to allow yourself the opportunity to thrive in your life, and the knowledge and confidence that you need, can, and should ask for the support to make these things happen. 


Stay golden out there, friends.

13 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


Post: Blog2_Post
bottom of page